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It’s the worst at night. I go to bed, feeling very peaceful, and then something happens to trigger thoughts of death in my mind and if I’m lucky, I can get rid of them. Other nights, they stay there at the front of my mind, so that no matter what I think about or if I get out of bed to do something else, they’re still there. Even trying to write doesn’t help because I’m too tired to focus. Sleeping pills don’t help, because I need at least ten hours to burn them out of my system. Even with a shit-ton of caffeine in the morning, I’m still groggy until about ten hours. Since I need that much time and I have to get up at 6:15 to be to work on time, that would mean taking them at no later than 8:15, which would seriously cut into the very, very small amount of time I get to spend with my wife. And believe me, that ain’t happening. Hopefully by getting this all out on ‘paper,’ it’ll help the process. I can’t imagine it can hurt. Just know that everything in this ‘story’ is rhetorical and. .. so you don't wind up fondling unsuspecting women in their sleep?" I was happy that the tension had come down a notch. Maybe some frank talk would defuse a potentially explosive situation. “Uh, well, there isn’t exactly a lot of privacy around here,” he said, red-faced. “I mean, it’s not the same as girls fingering themselves. Things get kind of… messy.” I laughed at this. “So you’re an expert on female masturbation, huh?” Common sense, moral fiber, matrimonial loyalty, something should have stopped me right there. I could have pecked him on the forehead, killed the light, and gone to sleep. It was in my power to control this and I didn’t. His tanned chest and shoulders, not to mention the long form in his boxer briefs, got the better of me. Still, I never intended to take things as far as I did. “Alright, you don’t need any privacy with me. I love you,” I said quietly, pulling the tee shirt over my head. “You can stroke yourself while you look at me. Then we’ll clean it up and get.
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